From 5 to 3 and unless some sort of miracle happens to 2.
Tonight its out there and as I type this one of us is on the hotel balcony on the phone with his partner (I can hear the quiet tears) while the other is downstairs waiting for the pizza we ordered. As for me I'm in tears all over again and neither of them know I'm going to cry myself into a massive mirgaine. At least this time I have my meds since John grabbed them before flying out yesterday. Ok, this is John we're talking about and he came armed with everything from bottles of Clear Eyes to my meds to a bottle of concelor,
Losing Burn and Naoko was hard enough but what makes this ten times harder is the one that gets killed off is also my best friend. This makes me hate goodbyes in spite of my head knowing I'm not losing him as my friend, my heart meanwhile is having a field day at the expense of my soul (and feeling like complete shit in the process). Gwen and Jack's tear meanwhile: very real.
I'm going to go and throw up again. With tommorow being the start of Comic Con I'm going to feel awful on the inside but plaster on my smile in front of the fans. If the reaction is anything like it was this time 2 weeks ago when it aired in England its going to be interesting to say the least.
At least this time I'm not in this alone (and knowing that tonight we can be together and face this is the one thing making any sense). Right now I just need support to get through this weekend in one piece, knowing come Sunday I will offically be on holiday and can start working through my feelings. Ironic given my last entry was about missing pieces of the emotional puzzle: the boys have people they can spill all this to. As for me I just have a laptop and a journal, right about now I am wishing I have someone I could call even at 3AM to spill all this to.
This was an entry 2 weeks in the making, no more secerts since now I can be honest. My head is pounding and my heart is breaking all over again. That and I'm craving salt in the worst way. But feel free to get after me, the hens (aka John and Gareth) are keeping tabs on me.
We're being checked on. Besides John's partner Scott Kai (as in Owen), Freema, Burn and Naoko have all called. I've got an amazing second family. So lets here it
treatments is what I'm hearing correct reaction wise?
Current Mood:
drained