Below are the 7 most recent journal entries recorded in evemyl's InsaneJournal:

Sunday, October 23rd, 2011
11:29 am	thr Agents Only ( OOC Notes ) (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 16th, 2011
5:39 pm	When in doubt let the Ipod inspire the update so for now a peek into my head via music. As I type this Air's "Playground Love" is playing and for me that song made several playlists, the most recent being during an epsiode of series 2. For me music is a way to get deeper into a character and for some reason Gwen and I have pretty close tastes in music. Only difference is when she has a bad ass moment, that is when I break out the hard core punk and hard rock ("Beat on the Brat" by the Ramones came in handy at least twice). This time around the punk playlist got plenty of airtime along with a list I call,"The songs that could make decent rugby yells". For now I'm making a new playlist for the next round of con season and for now its running the map from Damien Rice to Cobra Starship (I really think Church of Hot Addiction could make a great personal theme song for someone, no idea why). One of these days I should post one of those playlists but is anyone else the same way about using music to get inside a character's head? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, June 6th, 2011
12:32 am	The photo that inspired this entry Nakama I found the word by accident when trying to translate a piece of anime theme music and it struck me, one of the current meanings is a group of people that is family but by choice and not by blood. The orignal 5 of Torchwood screams this in spades even now. 5 very different people thrown together in one show and over the 2 years of the orignal crew that is how strong the bonds became. At least to me its like I've gained 3 brothers and a sister and that does not count people who have become parts of the family from David and Billie to Freema, Catherine and who knows how many others over the last few years. The bonds are still that strong even after the triple whammy of kill offs which yanked Burn, Naoko and Gareth from the 5 and David leaving Doctor Who. Naoko and I go out for supper at least once a month just for girl talk and plenty of silly stories, Burn and I trade texts like crazy (backstory alert: during Countrycide in series one during the makeout scene he taught me how to curse in German since well I was a bit spooked) and I've been very known to slip into jammed clubs to hear Gareth's band on the spur of a moment. I realized later on that during the worst part of filming John and I only became more like brother and sister and we really do think of each other that way, brother and sister just not blood related. I also realized I was not alone, the fact my voice mail was packed after night 4 aired was the key. Tears were shed and fears were tossed into the open (granted parts were over the phone). But that period of darkness only showed how deep the bonds had become. I had written my fear about facing the new series and moving to LA but now its not being faced alone. The Nakama may have shrunk on camera but behind the scenes its stronger than ever. Now when I see that photo I can smile now, able to remember reactions to me being in something besides jeans and just little moments that only made the bond the way it is now. I have indeed gained a family, a family of choice in every sense of the word. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 20th, 2010
10:17 pm	"He's not afraid to tell me he loves me" Yes another romance related entry but this time from the POV of the hopelessly single one. That quote is pure Gwen but it also fits me as well, I want whoever I end up falling in love with to not be afraid to say that he loves me. Over the last year or so I've gone from being one of several singles in my circle to being the last Torchwoman standing aka no relationship. Sure I joke about letting John and Gareth start the set up attempts once again but at the same time it also feels like something is missing. Everything seems to fall into place from work to friends but its like there's a missing piece of the puzzle that is the true Eve Myles. Sometimes I do wonder if the piece for relationships just fell out of the puzzle box? For Gwen things are finally falling into place but for me there are more questions than pieces of the puzzle. But after finding an old entry in my private journal it also got me to thinking: what am I really looking for when it comes to matters of the heart? One theme kept coming up besides distance if fate brings an American guy into my life, trust and different worlds. Trust because of me being in the UK the bulk of the time and different worlds because being in science fiction is a different world than just being in other lines of work. That's the part that scares me the most: what if he does not get how crazy the world of Torchwood can be and can he deal with the fact three of my best friends happen to be men. That's another thing he would have to face: my unoffical brothers aka John, Gareth and Burn. Sure I joke that they can be a little overprotective but I would not have it any other way. That's what family is no matter if your blood related or not: family cares for each other and that is something I have in spades. But to be honest I'm just trying to have some faith in the whole process but am wishing Cupid would speed things up just a hair. After reading this its not making much sense but right now that's ok. That is what I get for writing this in a hotel room in Scotland during a need to escape Wales weekend. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009
1:47 am	Fear... Fear seems to have become my favorite thing to write about in the non public journal over the last couple of months. So maybe if I channel some of this into the more public version I'll get a few things out of my head before I'm eaten alive on the inside. Fear of the unknown: the current ongoing fear of choice. Given how in flux the world of Who is right now with David in the process of leaving and Torchwood going down to just me and John the unknown is a scary place. But at the same time that fear is not being faced alone since I've shared some of this with a couple of people (one of them does need to show up here after all). That fear is a work in progress but the next month or so will be a test as well as experience in staring down both emotional ghosts along with one of my fears. Fear of taking chances: I can say this one has been stared down. Since the summer I've done things that would have scared me to shreads from my first surfing lesson after Comic Con to braving the mosh pits again. At least for the next month or so or untill reality aka work calls after the holidays this is something I'll be working on a bit more since my next challenge is facing my fear of the kitchen (basically I am a lousy cook) and the goal is to make a cake for an upcoming dinner party. Fear of falling in love: this one is a massive work in progress but then when is something like this never a work in progress? That's my other goal for the next month or so: to take chances when it comes to matters of the heart. That and maybe letting John (Barrowman) go ahead with that possible blind date. Hopefully by this time next entry I'll have something more interesting and less moody to share. Since I've got things to do today I'll sign out for now but anyone know how to get a fake Christmas tree into a small Cardiff flat?? Yes I got a late start in terms of a tree. (Comment on this)
Thursday, October 8th, 2009
8:16 pm	Agents of hef beyond this point. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 24th, 2009
2:11 am	From 5 to 3 and unless some sort of miracle happens to 2. Tonight its out there and as I type this one of us is on the hotel balcony on the phone with his partner (I can hear the quiet tears) while the other is downstairs waiting for the pizza we ordered. As for me I'm in tears all over again and neither of them know I'm going to cry myself into a massive mirgaine. At least this time I have my meds since John grabbed them before flying out yesterday. Ok, this is John we're talking about and he came armed with everything from bottles of Clear Eyes to my meds to a bottle of concelor, Losing Burn and Naoko was hard enough but what makes this ten times harder is the one that gets killed off is also my best friend. This makes me hate goodbyes in spite of my head knowing I'm not losing him as my friend, my heart meanwhile is having a field day at the expense of my soul (and feeling like complete shit in the process). Gwen and Jack's tear meanwhile: very real. I'm going to go and throw up again. With tommorow being the start of Comic Con I'm going to feel awful on the inside but plaster on my smile in front of the fans. If the reaction is anything like it was this time 2 weeks ago when it aired in England its going to be interesting to say the least. At least this time I'm not in this alone (and knowing that tonight we can be together and face this is the one thing making any sense). Right now I just need support to get through this weekend in one piece, knowing come Sunday I will offically be on holiday and can start working through my feelings. Ironic given my last entry was about missing pieces of the emotional puzzle: the boys have people they can spill all this to. As for me I just have a laptop and a journal, right about now I am wishing I have someone I could call even at 3AM to spill all this to. This was an entry 2 weeks in the making, no more secerts since now I can be honest. My head is pounding and my heart is breaking all over again. That and I'm craving salt in the worst way. But feel free to get after me, the hens (aka John and Gareth) are keeping tabs on me. We're being checked on. Besides John's partner Scott Kai (as in Owen), Freema, Burn and Naoko have all called. I've got an amazing second family. So lets here it treatments is what I'm hearing correct reaction wise? Current Mood: drained (3 Comments |Comment on this)